Go Girl Scout GO!

Well on Sunday I dropped of my little girl and her camping buddy Nevaeh to Camp for the week. These girls have been camping together every summer since they were 5-6 years old.  Nevaeh's mother Tyceia & I got emotional walking the girls to their cabin as it hit us just how much they have grown. We stopped and took lots of pictures along they way in all the same spots we did on their first trip and I can't wait to compare just how much they have grown from then till now. I am so proud of these girls for being such great Girl Scouts through & through. They push themselves to try new things and this year felt adventurous and signed up for Water Camp. They will get to water ski, white water raft, white water kayak, tubing and even possibly parasail! I've never even tried any of these things, except 1 time going rafting! I am grateful that Girl Scouts has given these girls the determination to push their boundaries and courage to try these new things and brought these two together!  I'm grateful to Girl Scouts for opening up the world to my child and to me!

I'm also very grateful that we live in an age of digital technology and even though I'm over 2 hours away I can get to peek at the girls through Facebook and see just how much fun they are having! As an adult volunteer it's easy to lose sight of the girls amongst all of the drama created by other adult volunteers but it just takes 1 picture, 1 experience to turn it all around and make things crystal clear of why we do what we do!.. Here's a little peek into Camp and what my Girl Scout is doing

That's my girl up on those ski's! GO GIRL SCOUT GO!!!!!

What Girl Scouts and a Cookie Can Do!

I was never lucky enough to be a Girl Scout as a child. I did get to go to one Brownie meeting at someones house & I remember loving it, but for whatever the reason my Mom never took me back. When my daughter Gabby started Kindergarten and we were signing up on enrollment day I remember making a beeline for the Girl Scout registration table. I signed her & myself up as a leader without a second thought. I was excited for her to experience what I considered to be a fun, well rounded organization. I never imagined how much Girl Scouting would change my life. I've learned more patience, to be more diplomatic, to try new things, concur some of my own fears, to be a better leader, to be a better public speaker, to deal with conflict much better and the list goes on.  Fast forward 6 years (where did that time go) Gabby & I are still trucking on. I know that most people don't think about the actual Girl behind the cookie but let me tell you what I've experienced. As a leader I've had some great girls come in & out of my life. I always wondered if I impacted their lives as much as they have mine. I've had girls with eating disorders, been the victim of sexual abuse, girl with severe mental, behavioral and physical health disorders, daughters of drug addicted parents, daughters of deployed military parents, girls pulled between divorced parents, latch key kids, daughters of type A families, daughters with affluent parents, daughters of very poor families and daughters of struggling single parents. I am very thankful of the courage and strength of our Founder, Juliette Low. What she started 100 years ago has continued on to touch my life and the life of my daughter forever!

The one thing all those girls have in common with each other and from the girls 100 years ago is a desire to fit in, to feel needed and important, to learn and to have fun to be equal. I've have done what I feel to be the very best I can do to live within the Girl Scout Law and Promise and set an example for these girls. In some cases I'm the only woman role model they have that's caring, actually talks, has a desire to get to know them for no other reason then liking them and helping them to realize they are important & that they matter. I want to teach them that the world is wide open to them, that no matter what these girls can achieve whatever it is they set their minds to. One of the ways I do that is by taking a big trip once a year, which is paid for by our cookie and other fundraisers! I know some of you are thinking how can a Girl Scout trip to go sight see and have fun  or even a camping trip impact a girl or make a difference in her life well here's where I want to tell you what buying one box of cookie can do! I've been blessed to be there while these girls experience a LOT of their firsts in their life. Seeing the joy & excitement in their faces and how each girl grows more confident and stands a bit taller I make sure to tell them that all this was made possible by them & their hard work selling cookies that they can do all, we can go anywhere if we work together. I know that trying these things will NOT be their last!!

I've taken girls out of the state/county for the first time in their lives.
Went to the beach and saw the ocean for the first time
Took them on a boat for the first time
Stayed in a hotel for the first time
Ate FRESH fruit for the first time
Baked for the first time
Cooked dinner/breakfast on their own for the first time
Learned to do laundry for the first time
Went to a musical for the first time
Went to a live theater for the first time
Went on a hike for the first time
Went on a picnic for the first time
Did a service project for the first time
Discovered their future careers through programs during trips
Learned basic etiquette lessons
Learn to work together as a team
Had a birthday party for the first time
Learned to sew for the first time
Met people from other countries and became friends
Was able to be a group leader for the first time
This list could go on all day!

I've seen them be brave and concur their fears, try new things and really flourish. I've seen girls who didn't say more than one word for the first meeting come out of their shells singing & dancing and leading a patrol. These girls are learning responsibility, independence, gaining life skills, realizing their self worth and making memories to last a lifetimes! So please support your local Girl Scout because you never know who that little girl is behind the cookie.

Signed a devoted Girl Scout Leader

Thatmommy's 5 Basic Rules of Ettiquette and life skills for living in today's society the next generation should learn

#1 Kindness: A smile, kind word or greeting can go a long way in improving the relationships around you from your family, friends to the checkout cashier. Everyone appreciates and is uplifted when they encounter a kind person.

#2 Respect: Every person walking the earth deserves the respect even if it's just for being a human being. You can never tell what problems someone is having or what's behind their mood or bad attitude but everyone deserves respect, even if you display that respect by walking away, choosing not to engage or put someone down. One of the best gesture to show respect to a difficult person is just accepting or agreeing to let them have their opinion no matter how it differs from yours. It not only shows you respect them but also yourself for not allowing them to bring you down. *Side note- young ladies, you need to respect yourself and your body everyday. You do that by not allowing men to degrade you or degrading yourself with how you behave, dress and speak. Young men, learn what it is to be a gentleman and treat each woman you meet with the respect you would want given to your Mother, sister or daughter.

#3 Integrity and work ethic: these things to me go hand in hand. To have integrity is to stand by your convictions and beliefs, to be an honorable person with decent morals, honesty and pride in themselves. Do what you say and say what you mean. Learning a good work ethic is something most people with integrity have. They take pride in what they are doing. If their name is on something, make it be your best not half ass. I don't care if your cleaning bathrooms. Do the job well, it will be noticed by someone and good things will come from it. A good worker is almost extinct and has been replaced with lazy, disrespectful, no caring people who have a huge sense of entitlement. If you don't do the job your hired for well- trust me someone else will, do it better and for less pay so wake up! The quicker you realize this the better! Ps- If you have a job dealing with the public see rules #1 and 2!!

#4: addendum to work Ethic; if you are having a bad day, personal problems, say you just broke up with your girl/boyfriend. Leave it at home. NO ONE wants to hear about your personal problems at work and no one wants to be on the receiving end of a negative conversation. Leave your cell phone in the car, your pocket or purse and LEAVE IT THERE!! Do not keep customers waiting while you sort out your love life. Trust me if he or she is worth it they can wait till the end of your shift. If they can't take a personal day to handle your business but be smart enough to know if it's worth losing pay or risking your job! Be smart enough to call in before taking off and give as much notice as possible, go to work if you have the sniffles you can make it without dying (wash your hands a lot for the germaphobs).

#5 Basic Manners: this is hugely important. Your Mama should have taught you but in case you forgot you say Please when you want something, thank you when you receive something, do not interrupt without saying excuse me. Men/boys hold a door open for a lady. Ladies say thank you when someone opens the door for you. You give up your seat for a pregnant lady or elderly person (yes ladies this means you too). You offer to help someone when you see they are struggling to carry or drop something. Do not eat dinner until everyone is served unless told otherwise by the person cooking your meal or the person waiting on their food. Stay seated at the dinner table till everyone is done eating. Cell phones, put them on silent when eating dinner and DO NOT check them- give your attention to those who have chosen to give you their time. Whatever it is it will keep for an hour- trust me the world will not explode or end if you don't get back to Shaniqua's urgent text! There won't be a FB post that you miss that's more important than giving your family or friend the time they deserve- See rule # 1,2 ALSO- PLEASE learn decient phone manners- these are simple, ring ring- pick up and day Hello. (Do not confuse this with hey, what,yo,Sup) if the call is not for you or if you do not know how it is just ask politely, " Who's calling please?" If your taking a message write down the name and number of who's calling and say, "thank you I'll forward the message or I'll give the message to so and so." If you're leaving the message or calling start with, " Hello may I speak with Shanequa? This is (who are you)" (Idk why that name is stuck in my head tonight!! Haha) If Shanequa is out politely ask to leave your name and number. Crazy right?! People actually use ceLl phones to make real phone calls not just text or surf the web!!

#5 addendum: Basic Party Manners- if someone takes the time to plan, host and invite you to a party you should use rules 1,2.. RSVP if it's requested! In most cases it just takes a minute and is greatly appreciated by the host/hostess. In this electronic age if you don't have or want to take the time to make the actual phone call, use that smart phone I know you have and send an email or text. This takes just a moment and is at minimum the least you can do. Always bring a host/hostess gift- if it's a simple informal dinner bring an inexpensive bottle of wine, candle, flowers. Never go empty handed. The more formal the event the higher end of the gift you bring. ALWAYS send a thank you note. (For you kids today that means you'll have to learn cursive- sorry!!! But seriously this is a must- learn it- no one wants a printed letter unless it's from their elementary school kids especially if your writing a love letter- cursive only) My rule of thumb is simple for the Thank you note, if you received a formal actually mailed invitation (these are rare now) take the time to write and mail one back. If you received and email or text it's appropriate to return your thank you in the same manor. You could even take it a step further and send a FREE e-card. Again it's a simple kindness that will not go unnoticed!

These are just some things I have noticed are starting to become extinct in today's society and we need to teach our children this!! Actually most parent's need to learn this themselves first!!

Hormones & Weight Loss

Well it's been a while since my last post. I have been in a slump & quiet. Menopause has officially started to kick in & is wreaking havoc on my emotions. I have been really trying to stay on top of it by being aware but depression has gradually crept in and really threw me for a loop the past 2-3 weeks. Sadly I've taking it out on those closest to me, namely my poor sweet husband Brad. I've been running hot then cold. One minute I am like get away from me you are annoying me, then the next I'm like why isn't he with me, feeling neglected and like he doesn't love me anymore. I've been depressed over my weight, things have been breaking around the house- lost all the food in our freezer after I just stocked it up, Jake & Gabby are in FL and barely call me so all of it's been weighing heavily on me to the point that I was thinking what is the point of it all. Man, this is just NOT ME!! I have never been the moody type so this is really hard for me. Thankfully had a moment of self-awareness yesterday and talked to Brad about how I was feeling and apologized. Ever sweet he replied it's ok, he still loves me, he's noticed & was going to say something but didn't want to upset me so he's just gave me space. :( I've decided to run to the health food store today to buy some Black Cohash and give that a try to see if it helps. As for my weight I've kind of fallen off with my eating and counting calories. The depression side tracked me & I was looking for any outlet to make me feel better- #1 choice FOOD! Damn it.. WHY??!!! ARGH so frustrating. However I have kept up with my workouts, not daily BUT I have been averaging 2-4 days per week and it's really been helping. So at least I haven't fallen completely off the wagon! I aim to get back on track this week, and continue on with no more mistakes till at the very least I leave for Savannah with my girls on June 22. My goal is to have lost at least 10 pounds by then. Just under a month. I know I can do this if I just put my mind to it. These days I'm very thankful for my friend Michelle, she is on this journey with me and has really been keeping me motivated! THANKS MICHELLE!! Her routine check ins and motivating texts have really helped me. I wish I could help her the same way but right now these damn hormones have ruled my world the past few weeks but NO MORE! I refuse to let it continue any longer- so that Black Cohash had better work.

Worst Mother's Day Ever!

All I can say is I must SUCK as a Mother & Wife!! Yesterday was the worst Mother's Day I've ever had. I guess "MY" problem is that I had expectations of being celebrated, spoiled & appreciated. Unfortunately to my disappointment my expectations were as usual set way to high. I had always thought as the kids grew older Mother's Days would keep getting better but apparently not. I was asked a couple times in the weeks preceding what I wanted and I simply replied that I just didn't want to be the one to plan out my own day. Surprise me. I am always the one who plans & executes every event, activity, celebration & party we have! For this one I told my husband I just want to go along for the ride. Well maybe that was my problem. I awoke to find Brad & Gabby making me breakfast at 9am. Crepes! I love crepes! Gabby had made me a beautiful card and typed up a letter w/a home made painting! It was wonderful, touching & I loved it!! I was thinking this is going to be a great start to a great day.. Right? ... nope- this was the highlight although I didn't know it! Bless my husband for trying but he didn't get done cooking till like 11:30am. I ended up with great eggs, ok sausage and burnt unedible crepes. But hey he got an A for effort in my book, and I was not disappointed in the least. I am all about effort, thought an gesture over execution. However he told me what he was going to make for dinner, it's an Italian dish w/home made pasta that he's never made before. Why did he think he could do this now? It's not like it's my favorite dinner or anything. He says just tell me how & I can do it. Well ladies, as you know that's not how it would end up.. If he took on this dinner for which there is no recipe, I would be the one cooking it and I didn't want to cook at all. So I tried repeatedly to discourage him from making this. I was told weeks before that dessert would be my favorite.. Tiramisu.. again my husband has never made this. It's not that I don't think he can do it, I know he can but every time I give him a recipe to follow he takes liberties & tries to make it his own instead of just doing it exactly the way it's supposed to be done. This drives me nuts.. when I love a recipe the way it is.. I've begged please just leave it alone. I told him this ahead of time & he said he would. So I asked about it as I was really looking forward to this dessert (I even offered to make it) but he told me it was scrapped & we weren't doing it! UGH.. that stunk. Last we spoke on Friday he told me he wanted to rise to the challenge of making this just the way I do since I had doubt.. my mouth was watering I was ready for it.. SLAM.. NO TIRAMISU :( Since there didn't seem to be an immediate plan for anything I began laundry, straightening up and clipping coupons. Evan woke up- never said Happy Mother's Day... Jake woke up came in my craft room.. no good morning, no I love you, no Happy Mother's Day.. he just started complaining about the dishes he had to do. Eventually he mumbled a Happy Mother's Day before retreating to his bedroom for the rest of the DAY! Brad came to help me with my coupons but didn't say much about anything. I decided since it didn't look like anything was going to go on I'd go to the store to coupon. I told Brad what I was doing, by this time he was hammering & sawing on a project on the back deck. I thought that perhaps if something was planned I'd hear about it.. It's like 3 pm. Nope.. nothing! I walked upstairs, peeked in on Jake & offered to take him to his girlfriend's house on my way to the store. He had asked me on Sat if he could do this, i figured at this point why not. He wasn't going to be spending any time with me and it was apparent they hadn't planned one thing to celebrate the day. I took my shower and it hit me that they really weren't going to do a thing, no card, no special dinner that I liked.. no dessert, no outing.. nothing was organized.. not one thing. I began to cry like a BIG BABY! It really hurt my feelings. I never expected that, but I guess that was my problem, expectations. I was really disappointed in Brad for not getting the kids together to at the very least make or buy me a card. He later told me that he had planned a picnic and a hike but it rained and no alternate plans ever came about. I went couponing & Jake began to text me apologies about not doing anything.. I told him to forget it. I had my moment, cried and now just to forget it. I really meant it. Last thing I want is a guilt ridden forced pity card or celebration. I got home, no one even helped me bring in the groceries (RAINING PEOPLE) .. (SERIOUSLY.. this is beginning to feel like a joke) No one but GABBY (THIS GIRL IS QUICKLY BECOMING MY FAVORITE PERSON) helped unpack them! At this point everyone knew I was hurt & upset so I just decided it better that I go to my craft room, read & be left alone. Jake ended up typing me up a letter & literally threw it at my face & walked away! (Sorry son- to little to late) Evan told Brad the letter he made me last week was going to be counted as my Mother's Day gift. (this was SO not a Mother's Day gift) Brad made a dinner- it was a good dinner, just not one that I could eat due to my gallbladder surgery. He knew this but apparently forgot or just didn't care. He made a dessert that I'm sure he thought was great but I'd never eat..too sweet & in my opinion wouldn't go together. Walnut brownies w/choc chip mint ice cream sandwiches.. Sounds gross just typing it up.. YUCK! I am trying not to feel like an ungrateful person but like I said I'm more about the gesture & thought not execution.. to me there was NO thought put into this day, this dinner, or dessert. It was nothing about celebrating me as a mom at all. If it was it would have been something I liked - Gabby kept asking me why is he making this dinner it's my favorite not yours? Why did he make this dessert? Honey I just don't know... I ended up making myself carrot sticks & dip cause it was like 8:00pm.. Brad was pissed, skipped dinner and just went to bed. I feel like a gigantic piece of crap! Two conclusions could be made in my opinion of this day.. #1: I am completely self absorbed, have high expectations, am stuck up and not happy with efforts made however big or small. Or #2: am a piece of crap Mom/wife that didn't deserve anyone to take the forethought to plan a celebration or even get a card. Either way.. I SUCK!! I still really feel broken hearted over this and have decided to forever BAN MOTHER'S DAY in my house!! PS.. I do want to give a HUGE shout out to my daughter Gabriella, who's wonderful giving & thoughtful heart is truly appreciated!!! She made me the only card I received, and did her best to dote on me by giving me a pedicure and hand scrub. For the boys in my house they can all suck it!!!!! I love you!! MOM

New Blog

Hi ALL, I started a new blog yesterday. http://fatmommysbottom.blogspot.com/ WARNING!!! It is UBER sensitive and explicit. It's ugly and not for the light of heart.. well maybe not that bad but it's VERY personal. I think I made the most raw outpouring of my current view of myself as an overweight woman. Let's just say it's not pretty at all. I didn't post it to Facebook because it was hard enough creating that blog & posting it to begin with. I don't know if I could handle some of the people I am friends with on FB knowing & reading all that about me. Yes.. you know them..we've all got those people.. Haters and the Judgmental ones!! lmao Right now I need support and encouragement.. not to feel shamed. Trust me, I do that enough to myself. Nothing can shame you more than and Italian with Catholic guilt and believe me I've got that in spades!! However, as I type this I'm debating on posting this to FB. Maybe yesterday was step one, and I need to push myself to step two. Being honest & facing reality about my current situation. Somehow seeing things in black & white really hits home for me. Then again I am doing that already by just posting this for me to read. Most people read it and my other blog posts & silently judge from their computers. Most do not put themselves out there by making comments. It would be great if they did. I like to have feedback even if it's not the most positive. At least I know my words are causing sort of impact. Is that egotistical? Or perhaps needy? hmmmm.. I don't know. For those that do take the time out of your day to visit my blog, read my posts & take in my ramblings.. THANK YOU! Hopefully I've impacted your day in some little way with a laugh, gave you pause to reflect inward or just a moment or two of mindless entertainment. If I've done that at least it's something.

Teacher Appreciation Week Phooey!!

Well I have to say over the years my disdain & resentment for the made up & forced down your throat week long holiday of "Teacher Appreciation Week" is a bunch of CRAP! Most of the teachers I know earn at least $36,000-$42,000.00 per year, have health benefits and get to sit by the pool for over 10 weeks of the year while still collecting a paycheck. They get spring break/summer break, Christmas break, fall break and snow days!! Not counting the budget they are allotted for supplies (I know some teachers who use this for their own personal stuff instead of for the classroom). I understand the importance of a good teacher, one who is invested in our children's lives and works late to make sure you're child is learning. But honestly to date what I've seen in teachers today is a far cry from the teachers I grew up with. Over the years I've worked for the teachers in my kids classrooms so I'm not blind to what they deal with on a day to day basis. Most have a daily teachers aide's or parents willing to make copies and help with parties (at least in my children's schools), parent's are expected to pay a $75.00 supply fee and still buy over $100.00 of supplies at the beginning of the year which consist of a lot of teacher supplies such as dry erase markers etc. I know how hard it is to deal with large groups of children & in most cases it's even harder to deal with the parents but that's what they signed up for when they became a teacher. I also think that they get off really freakin good with being able to become Tenured!! Most jobs don't have that. It's basically like a do what you want & you can't lose your job card!! It's not fair!! I have met many teachers that use this tenure to behave in a manor unbecoming a teacher but they can still get away with it! They should be able to be held accountable as in other jobs!! Each job has it's perks & problems, in mine it's a perk to be able to help someone get a SSA check, the downfalls are hearing clients crying on the phone who have been diagnosed with a fatal disease, they become homeless or they pass away before they receive a check. It's my job, it's what I went to school for and signed up for. I think it's crap to be handed a list and told that I need to have to provide a gift for each teacher (I have 3 kids- each kid has a min of 5 teachers) EACH day for 5 days!! Where do they get off?? As it is most teachers get a gift from students a Christmas (if everyone sent something in that would be (again in my kids classes) over 26 gifts) Let's just say only 1/2 brought something in that would still be 13 gifts from just ONE of their classes!! That's a damn big haul and in my children's case they don't ever receive a gift back from their teacher! I think teaching is an honorable job and acknowledge that it's not the easiest but it should be one of the most rewarding- shaping lives of our future leaders. BUT BUT!!! so is being a police officer, nurse among so many other professions- do they get a week long celebration? NOPE... I think teachers need to start learning to appreciate those who want to show appreciation without it being crammed down our throats... I know I'd appreciate a thank you more if it was given freely. So let me say Bravo to those hard working teachers who give more than the bare minimum and to the others.. learn to feel appreciated when you're cashing your paycheck & sitting by the damn pool!!! I know I would!!

Girl Scouting In My Heart

It's been a while since my last blog. I've had lots going on from the Scrapbook crop (which went amazingly well!! BRAVO US!!!) to a weekend camp out with my troop at Camp Juliette Low (FABULOUS). Girl Scouts really has taken over the majority of my free time. Who would have thought when I made that commitment 6 years ago to begin this journey with Gabby to be her Daisy Leader that I would be so involved. Girl Scouts has really changed who I am and helped shaped the person I am. I know that sounds silly but even though I was never a scout as a kid, you are still growing as a person even as an adult and it's really shaped me. I have changed so much, I am more patient, humble, I've learned to step back and relinquish control to those girls and I have even come to terms with public speaking. I may not be the best at it but I'm leaps & bounds better than when I first started. I set out to have a fun activity with Gabby and now Girl Scouting is a part of me each & every day. I've been blessed to have formed friendships that I hope will last a lifetime. I am approaching my last meeting as SUM and I have mixed emotions. Part of me is happy to be done with the responsibility of another big commitment and the fact that I won't have to deal with the troublesome drama queens that exist as leaders in the SU, but on the other hand I am very sad. I would have liked to stay on working with the girls, planning events and watching them experience new things-that was the very best part of it all. I hope that the years I served I was able to touch the lives of at least one person and was able to set the light of Girl Scouts in their hearts the way it was done for me! The values of the Girl Scout Promise and Law are at the heart of the entire Girl Scout program. Through the values inherent in the Promise & Law, girls form their own beliefs and values, learn to consider ethical aspects of situations, and are committed to social justice and community service and action. I really try to live by the promise & the law! Girl Scout Promise and Law The Girl Scout Promise and Law are shared by every member of Girl Scouting. The Girl Scout Promise is the way Girl Scouts agree to act every day toward one another and other people, and the Law outlines a way to act towards one another and the world. The Girl Scout Promise On my honor, I will try: To serve God* and my country, To help people at all times, And to live by the Girl Scout Law. The Girl Scout Law I will do my best to be honest and fair, friendly and helpful, considerate and caring, courageous and strong, and responsible for what I say and do, and to respect myself and others, respect authority, use resources wisely, make the world a better place, and be a sister to every Girl Scout. GO GIRL SCOUTS!!!! THANK YOU JULIETTE LOW.. I bet when you started this you could have never imagined how it would grow and how many lives would be changed by what you started!!

Preparing for a Girls Just Want to Have Fun Scrapbook Crop

Finishing up on last minute touches to my Girl Scout Troops Scrapbook Crop this Sat! I'm excited. So far this has proved to be a great fundraiser. We have had many generous people give donations, time & my church has offered us the use of the fellowship hall to host this event! We will have 6 different local direct sales vendors doing classes and setting up tables throughout the day as well as a great tricky tray auction. Brad will be our on site cook and catering lunch & dinner to all the wonderful scrapping ladies. I've only been to one crop before & I truly hope that I can pull this off successfully! I've had a lot of great advice from a friend that does a huge crop every year so I think I'm on track for the most part! If all goes well I hope to make this an annual event!

Separation of Church & Family

Well where to begin with this post. I feel that there has been something missing in my life and in those of my family as well. I believe it is going to church, learning more about God & our connection to him. I do have a very deep spiritual belief in him that I don't think necessarily fits into any one specific religion. It's more of a broad belief in God. I believe that God is the Alpha, Omega- he is everything/everyone. I believe that he created us & this earth. I believe that he is known to me as Jesus/God but to others he is known as something different such as Allah,Budda orwhatever else is out there. I believe that he created this earth & us, knowing that we would have religious wars, but that he made himself available to everyone in the form they would best accept. There is nowhere in this world that you can go without learning or hearing of God or some religion. So to me you might take a different path with your beliefs in this life, but I think all roads lead to God. Now I'm not saying that I don't believe that Jesus isn't the son of God- I do, but I believe that this was the way he found to get into my heart. I believe God has touched my life in numerous ways & truly believe with my whole heart that he has a plan for me. I just wish I knew what it was. I believe that I have felt the presence of God in my life several times, I am an avid prayer & believe in the power of prayer. I believe in God & have a love for him that I do want to honor that by teaching my children about him, I want to build my marriage upon faith & a mutual belief in him. I want us to be a God fearing honorable family-here’s the hiccup. I don’t know how to do that!! There seems to be a major separation of church & family. Brad and I have tried several churches on for size when we first moved to TN. And eventually found one that we though fit. We became regulars in the pews and even in bible study. But it ended with a bad experience with some of the people there & it really put a bad taste in Brad’s mouth. I'm willing to overlook it so our children grow in that church to learn & have the church family, but Brad is unwilling. Ever since I’ve tried to get him to go to others & even back there but it’s all I can do to get him to go every now & again. I have a yearning to join a church, to be a part of a community & a church family. I want to go to bible studies & learn but it’s really hard when #1 you’re husband tells you point blank, “I know in my heart I LOVE GOD, and I LOVE YOU, and understand that both are connected, a church is tough for me, I see way to much judgment from people and that really gets under my skin, I really wouldn’t mind to sit and read the bible aloud with the whole family.” And #2 you’ve never grown up doing this and it’s hard to give up your Sundays, Weds and get into that routine when you are as busy as we are. To understand how I came to my beliefs you'd have to know that as a child I was raised Catholic. My father was a non practicing something- with a great anger towards God because of what he saw in his life through fighting in the Vietnam war, my Mother claimed to be die hard type Catholic, but never actually read the bible and only went to church some Christmas's & some Easters. I went to CCD but never any further. I'd never went to a bible study or anything else. However I was taught the Lord's Prayer, my Rosary, to respect God and believe in Jesus as my savior. I was taught to believe in Angels and also believe in Saints- all the while my Mom would take me for Tea leaf and psychic readings so it's no wonder why I have a broad vision of my belief in God. Brad grew up only going to church with friends from school so he was never really taught anything much either. Believe it or not but my limited knowledge of things I'm the one who knows more!! AHH! I am proud to say that through the years since Brad & I have been together I've seen his relationship with God flourish & was witness to his acceptance of him in his life! I was wonderful, but now there is a disconnect. What to do, what to do! I feel like I’ve been put in charge of the families spiritual path but I am failing them horribly. I guess I need to pray on it. Oh & for the 3 people reading this blog, try not to judge me to harshly. I do my best to be a good person and honor what I believe to be true to me & my relationship with God. I know that a lot of Christians will condemn me to hell because of some of my comments but I guess that will be for me and God to work out.

Friday the 13th

Well I woke up this morning and felt alright but then as the day progressed (btw I've only been awake 2 hrs) I can tell it's going to be one of those days. Dropped by glasses, my phone, forgot my heart meds, got stopped in the car rider line about 6 times, had to go back home.. etc etc.. Right now I'm totally grumpy & I can just feel the disdain oozing from me. The biggest things on the forefront of my frustration/disappointment today is Girl Scouts. I really think I need to take a break from being a leader/volunteer for a while. I love it so very much and it's really become a part of who I am. I enjoy doing it but when I seem to be the only person putting in effort to make event, activities happen it's very discouraging. I don't expect a thank you nor am I looking for accolades, but just an active participation would be helpful. Reading the email I took time away from my day to type up, RSVPing when I'm planning an event that you stated you wanted, assisting in the planning and organizing an event that will benefit you & your child. I can't do these things alone, although I mostly have been for the past 6 years. I am expected to not only plan, run the events but also keep a website running w/event information, a calendar, reminders and periodically send out reminders. When my emails, and reminders go unanswered I'm forced to text each individual person in order to be able to get an answer. Heck for that matter I've had to even do that numerous times as well as remind them & text up till 15 minutes before an event! It's ridiculous. Part of me doesn't mind this because I'm doing this first & foremost for my daughter, so she has a great GS experience, and then for the girls in my troop and SU area but it's just really hard to be the only adult really giving all she's got to pull things off alone. There has to be parent support in order for things to really make things easier & more fun for all. I guess to most of them Girl Scouts is just an activity that keeps their child occupied for a few hours, but for them & for me it's much more. This is why I think I need to step down for a while. I don't want to leave GS at all, I just would like to have those I'm working with respect the time & dedication I'm putting forth for their children & at least read the emails, respond, be on time and offer to help when it's obvious the event we have going on is a huge undertaking that is next to impossible for 1 person to plan, organize & pull off by herself. Although this seems to be a theme to my whole life from family to friends.. I seem to give & really take the time to remember birthdays, send a card or call, I RSVP, I think of people when they have babies, surgery acknowledge anniversaries but none of that seems to be reciprocated. I really do try to give everyone my all by being a good thoughtful friend but I guess I'm over extending & falling short somewhere. I do all these things not expecting anything in return but it would be nice to have things reciprocated & have someone be mindful of me. I truly don't think that's too much to ask do you? I always thought I learned the lesson to give without expectation of anything returned- just to give for givings sake but when do you say I've given enough...? I think I've reached that point.

Dream Believer

Well I spent the better part of my drive to work today day dreaming about winning the lottery again!! In all the things I thought of doing the biggest thing was being excited about not shopping or traveling but being able to really touch & change other peoples lives around me. Hell if I won the whole jackpot 540 million, I could change thousands of lives & leave a legacy behind long after I'm gone! Now THAT would be priceless! First stop would be to set up a college scholarship fund for my beloved Girl Scouts!! Then I'd want to go rescue those night walking kids in South Africa, build them a school, housing create a town and safe sanctuary for them. Then I'd start a foundation for Lung/Brain cancer in honor of my father with a big push campaign to stop smoking. Those are all the philanthropic things I'd dream about doing. Then of course there is the self serving materialistic side where I'd love to be on the phone telling those I love to quit there jobs and to join the Fab 5 on a trip around the world! Building my off the grid green compound and spending my days learning new hobbies and spending time with my husband & kids. How awesome would that be?!! Dreams this good SHOULD get to come true right?!! Oh I am a dream believer..

Family Fallout

I have come to realize that in this life I've been blessed with a lot. Great kids and a fabulous husband and wonderful friends who have become sisters from the heart! Problem is that I was dealt a bum hand in the actual blood relative department. My father was great but let's face it had his dysfunctional issues that we all have but overall he was a great man, loved me unconditionally and was there for me to his last dying day. I shutter to think what he would think & say about all that has transpired since his passing in August. There has been a complete breakdown of the family, mostly at my hand. I have felt as I have posted previously in other post that during my childhood it was always presented to me through my father or mother that it was "them- My Mom, 1/2 Brother & 1/2 sister" and "us- my Dad & I". There was always a separation between us and rarely were there times when I felt that we were ever a solid family unit. My Dad treated both my 1/2 Sister & my 1/2 brother as though they were his own & in strange form their father is actually my God father & was always there for me with a check or to count on if needed throughout my life. In that respect I think we were all very blessed with 2 men that had/have their major flaws but ultimately loved & cared for us. Sadly my brother for lack of pulling punches is F#$%ed up! He's a woman beating, abusive, inconsiderate, philandering, rude, selfish and abusive person. I have a hard time standing by and turning a blind eye every time he abused a woman from my grandmother, to his girlfriends to me. My mom always made excuses for him saying that he is slow or has mental problems but really how many times can this be an issue. Currently he's married and has 2 kids-I don't know the state of his marriage with his woman nor do I care, but with this relationship as well as all the others he can't ever seem to take time to be an actual brother or uncle, no calls, cards nothing- out of sight out of mind. So why should I put in effort when there is clearly none ever put in my direction? You got it.. I don't bother anymore- Lots of water went under the bridge and I just decided enough was enough- I love him and wish him well but we don't have a relationship- I've never heard from him so I'm assuming he agrees & has no problem with this arrangement. My mother- same thing.. so the only one left was my 1/2 sister. Let's just say this, we've had our fair share of issues & weren't the closest growing up cause she was so much older & gone. I had for a brief fleeting moment hope once upon a few years ago that we would grow close & be best friends and things seemed to be moving in that direction then a bomb hit in way of a worst nightmare that I won't put online struck us and tore the budding relationship apart. Since then we've tried to stay connected but we could never take the time to actually visit, not that she would anyway. I'm always been that poster child for a black sheep in the family, misunderstood, loud, judgmental, brazen, quick tempered & outspoken. I've grown a lot & have tried to be more patient, understanding, I'm not as quick to loose my temper but you know I just can't seem to make it work with these people. I believe in loyalty and have tried numerous times to show that but never did it come my way from her, at least if it did I sure wasn't aware of it. I do like her, she can be sweet and funny but I do not agree with her choices and let's face it, when you don't agree with how one raises their children it makes things harder..... A LOT harder. (Not even touching on the kids but that's another pandora's box) Now I've found out today that I've been cut off from friendship on FB & blocked!! I laughed.. all this because she reconnected with a mental case from our childhood (seriously he is a nut job-I found out the hard way). Goodness only knows what he's told her to cause her to cut me off but oh well, I'm truthfully not that hurt by it. The thing that most bothers me is not knowing what I've supposedly done.. perhaps it was confiding in this nut job about our mutual nightmare.. maybe not. Either way, that is on her not me. Actually it kind of gives me a peace within myself knowing I'm rid of all those dysfunctional people from my past. They aren't present in my day to day life, nor do they want to be and believe me, I sure don't want to be in theirs. I wish them all well, thank them for the good & bad memories cause without the bad I really couldn't appreciate all those wonderful people I do have in my life that matter. You know I tell the kids all the time if you start to point fingers at everyone else eventually you realize you are the one with the problem.. I always thought that it was me but now I know that living with a family who's dysfunctions include lies, abuse, betrayal, molestation, alcohol abuse, philandering, manipulation, jealousy and selfishness.. It's not ME!! I wonder how my Dad looking down would see all of this, part of me feels like that my Dad... the REAL Dad would be glad for me and would say it's about time. Over the years he was knocked down by depression and life and lost his edge and fight. I think that if he was the clear thinking man that cut both his siblings off for less than me would understand as he did so without regret.... hmm all of this isn't so cut & dry- it's messy. I pray that God forgives the role that I have played in the fallout of my family and that I've made the right choices. I know that he put these people in my life for a reason, I just pray that I've lived out those reasons and I'm right in my decision to move on from them. I have a recurring memory that pops in my head of my Dad learning that his sister had passed months before and me feeling so badly for him & asking him if he regretted not making up with her and I remember clear as day he said, "Ehh nope.".. then I had a slight wandering thought in my head about how it will feel when I learn that they have each passed away one by one, will I regret this break, somehow I don't think so. My biggest fear in all of this is that history will repeat itself and this fallout will come to those that I do hold dear, my children. I pray with my whole heart & soul that Brad & I are a better Mother & Father to them, and we are a better example of "normal", but how do you teach family unity & loyalty when we have both cut ourselves off from all the dysfunction in ours.

Traditional Italian Easter Bread

Grandma's Italian Easter Bread

1 package Rapid Rise (instant) yeast (about 2-1/4 teaspoons) (I have also used my bread machine yeast which is an acceptable alternative)
1 1/2 cups milk
1/2 tsp of salt
1/3 cup butter
2 eggs, beaten
3/4 cup sugar- can reduce to 1/2 cup sugar if you watching intake

4 cups bread or all purpose flour (approximate)
1 egg, beaten with 1 teaspoon of water
6 dyed Easter eggs-already boiled if you like well done eggs
the Easter eggs do not need to be hard boiled. They cook when the bread bakes but to a med-rare soft yellow. I usually just dye the eggs raw without hard boiling them. Saves time. Just be careful they don't crack!
sprinkles or pearlized sugar



In a small saucepan, warm the milk and butter together, just till butter melts. In a large mixer bowl, combine yeast, salt, eggs and sugar. Add the warm (not hot - it will kill the yeast) milk and butter. Add about half the flour and beat until smooth with dough hook. Slowly add the remaining flour to form a stiff dough. Don't worry about how much flour it ends up being, just keep adding until the dough is not sticky anymore. Knead until smooth with either dough hook attachment or turn out on floured board and knead. Place in a greased bowl, cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about an hour.

Punch dough down, divide into 12 pieces. Roll each piece to form a 1 inch thick rope about 14 inches long and, taking two pieces, twist to form a "braid", pinching the ends, and loop into a circle.

Place on two baking sheets lined with non stick tin foil, parchment paper or Silpats. Cover and let rise until double, about an hour again. Brush each bread with beaten egg wash. Put on the sprinkles or pearl sugar. In the middle of each bread ring, gently place an Easter egg, making an indentation with the egg.

Bake at 350 degrees until golden - about 20 minutes. Cool on rack.

You can eat the eggs, but if you leave the bread sitting out for a few hours, don't eat them. We usually serve these w/butter fresh out of the oven and some egg in the middle! SO YUMMY

Things that really matter in life

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about the things in life that really matter. It's not money, what new toy you bought or how clean your house is. It's the little things.. all the little things that add up. Your friend thinking of you when she's shopping, a card or kind email from a friend, your husband cooking dinner or rubbing your feet. Your children smiling & hugging you when you walk in the door. Life and everything that we have material things & even people in our lives are so easily taken for granted with the day to day grind of life. It's so easy to skip saying I love you, I'm sorry or thank you to those around you when you're in a rush. As I get older I care less about what I have and much more for who I can spend my time with. My husband, he is an amazing man. I'm not saying he doesn't get on my nerves from time to time but he is a GOOD MAN! The kind of man you want to be the father of your children. Brad is thoughtful, kind, caring, generous to a fault, loving, patient.. he is everything that I could ever hope to have in a mate and a father for my children. My best friend Jen, she is also very kind, thoughtful, understanding, calming, supportive, loving. She is everything I could ever want for a best friend. I feel so blessed to have both these wonderful people in my life. My children, written words are hard to form when thinking of describing these 3. They are all so much like me, but so much better people than I could ever count myself. They lift me up with laughter, love and support in a way I've never known in my life. We often wonder what life is all about- why are we here, what is our purpose. I am realizing that for me it's not about sweating the small things, but to really enjoy the people I have in my life. To enrich their life and time on this earth as much as they do for me. They are what really matter to me. Life has a way of knocking you down with hard times, but if you know what really matters in life, the people you share it with, they can always help you back onto your feet. I have really been trying to keep focused on my New Year's resolutions to be a better person, friend, mother, wife. One way I've decided to do that is in surrounding myself with those that lift me higher, not drag me down. My husband has been a great asset to me in teaching me this. I can loose sight when things get hard and he has always be there to be the anchor to ground me when I need it. So what really matters in your life? Is it the people God has put in your path, your job, vacation, material things? Are you able to appreciate life's little pleasures and see them when they are presented to you? I bet that you can find something each day that really matters. I know I can.

Italian Sausage & Zuchinni Cornbread Bake

Italian Sausage & Zucchini Cornbread Bake

Ingredients:
1 Cup Martha White Yellow Cornbread Mix
1 Cup All purpose flour
1/2 Cup Milk
1/2 Cup Sour cream
1/2 Cup Grated Parmesan Cheese
2 Large Eggs
2 Cloves Garlic, minced
1 LB Ground Italian Sausage
1 Large Zucchini, Shredded
1 Cup Sliced Mushrooms (your choice)
1 Cup Jalapeno Jack Cheese, Shredded
Dash Salt & Pepper

Directions:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Take sausage & cook over medium heat on the stove top in a frying pan. Breaking it up into little pieces, brown & drain. Set aside. In the same pan put, garlic, mushrooms & zucchini saute till tender. Set aside. In a large mixing bowl add Cornmeal mix, flour, milk, eggs, Parmesan cheese. Mix till completely incorporated then gently fold in zucchini & mushroom mix, sausage and 1/2 cup shredded cheese until well blended. Pour into a greased 12 inch cast iron skillet. Top with remaining cheese & bake for 20-25 minutes until golden brown.

Cran-Walnut Cornbread Crumble

Cran-Walnut Cornbread Crumble

Ingredients:
1 Cup Martha White White Cornbread Mix
2 Cups All Purpose Flour
1 Cup Crasins
1 Cup Chopped Walnuts
2 Tsp Vanilla
1 Cup Milk
1 Cup Sour Cream
2 Large Eggs
1/2 Zest from small Orange

Topping Ingredients:

1 Stick softened salted butter
1 Cup Quick Rolled Oats
1/4 Cup All Purpose flour
1/2 Tsp Cinnamon
Dash Allspice

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a large mixing bowl add cornmeal mix, flour, eggs, milk, sour cream, vanilla. Mix till fully incorporated. Then gently fold in crasins, walnuts and zest. Pour into a greased 12 inch cast iron skillet. Put into oven for 10 minutes. While that is baking mix all the topping ingredients in a small mixing bowl. Take the skillet out of the oven, gently crumble the topping all over the top of the bread. Put back in the oven for approximately 10-12 minutes till golden brown. Serve warm or cold!

Women stand up & take your happiness back!!!

I just had lunch with a very close friend who spent the better part of the hour spilling her guts about how horrible her marriage & how unhappy she is. My heart broke for her. She is unhappy, riddled with anxiety, confidence is at an all time low, depressed and scared. All this because she doesn't have the best marriage. It's not that her husband beats her or is emotionally abusive to her at all. She's living with someone that she loves, or once was in love with but isn't anymore. They have a child which in her mind obligates her to stay with him. They haven't had sex in 3+ years, they don't eat dinner together, they don't laugh together, they don't really spend any time together at all. According to her he is very selfish and spends what time he is at home locked in a room playing video games.. and not even with their kid! The bulk of all household chores and bill paying are her sole responsibility as she is a stay at home mom. Her husband apparently does have a bad temper, had embarrassed her on numerous occasions by being rude and has alienated her from her family. To see my friend that I love and care for in this state really upsets me. My first instinct is to tell her to leave go be happy but that isn't easy. How do you tell someone to break up a family? She is very concerned that this would really kill her child. I kept quite listening to how it's all her husband's fault, but then it hit me. She has chosen to live like this, she chose to let your husband treat her, her child & their marriage like this. Women need to need to take responsibility for their own happiness. Marriage is compromise, it's hard, ugly at times but damn it women need to STAND UP & claim their own happiness. If they are unhappy being dependent on someone that they feel doesn't treat them well, or maybe they just fell out of love then they need to say something. I am not an advocate for divorce by any means, but I do feel like that you should give your spouse the chance to change or make things better. Tell them that your needs aren't being met, tell them that you hate it when they lock themselves up playing video games, tell them that you will not do all the housework yourself! For goodness sake just stand the fuck up for yourself & your kid! Try to tell them that you want to set an example for your child of what a good relationship should be & this isn't it! Don't complain to a friend but never tell the man. Give him a chance to fix it and then if it doesn't work then leave but at least try.. accept your role in the decline of the marriage. You sat back & let it all happen. You'd never let your child behave that way so why do you let your husband? My husband knows what I expect out of his behavior and if for some reason things start to go off track I say something immediately and we work together to fix it. I demand a certain behavior of man that I am with and won't accept any less. However I do not demand anything that I'm not also willing to give myself. Example- time, I expect that you will spend time with me, as much as our lives, work & kids allow. If you rent a video game, play it but you better make time for me too. Just like I do for you. I demand to be a priority & I demand that our marriage be a priority. My husband understood that the day he married me, and demands the same of me. I think too many women get complacent, comfortable & dependent on men. They think that men are going to waltz in take care of them & live that fairytale. Sadly life is not that way, women need to take charge of their own happiness, be independent and set an example for their kids of what a strong woman can be. Now please don't misunderstand me I'm not getting all feminist fanatical, I just think that a strong woman can be an excellent mate & mother while also being independent! Wish more of my friends would stand up for their happiness!! Tomorrow isn't promised, and you need to make the most of this life instead of wasting it being unhappy and living a life you hate.

Life's Little Temptations

UGH, sometimes life has a way of knocking you on your ass! I swear just when I think I've settled into being comfortable with where I am in life & that this is what it is.. I am tempted. Tempted into thinking what could be, what if. This is not a new temptation to me. I've struggled with this for the last 15 years. What if I did this differently or that. What if I just threw it all away & went for it! Would it work out or would I just lose everything for one leap of faith, one shot at turning back the clock. I can only imagine how great things could be if I did & it all finally fell into place, making up for years of my discontent and providing a lifetime of satisfaction & happiness. Somehow I think if I never take that chance that I'll never ever be fully contented. Then the other part of me thinks that it's best to let it be & not to be tempted. Past is the past for a reason. If I give into temptation I'll be left with nothing except for even more regrets. I wonder if I'm in this alone or if there is another plagued with the same temptation. It's kind of like being tortured. Thoughts of my temptation put a smile on my face and living that experience added to the person I am & gave me great memories to relive in those wonderful fleeting moments. Maybe that's all it's ever supposed to be. I know that if I was ever really faced with my temptation I'd give in immediately. Thankfully all it is right now is just my mind playing tricks on me. I put my belief in God and look to him to provide comfort in him leading me to what path I'm supposed to be on. If I'm ever meant to come face to face with my temptation it will be when it's meant to be.

Tell Obama, Congress & the USDA to Dump Monsanto's Failed Drought Resistant Corn!

Tell Obama, Congress & the USDA to Dump Monsanto's Failed Drought Resistant Corn!

Stop Agent Orange Corn!

Stop Agent Orange Corn!

Things are spiraling out of control on the GS front

I can't believe this!! Things are totally spiraling out of control on the Girl Scout front. I have a volunteer that I really depended on to do what she said she was going to do & when I checked in to see how things were going found out that NOTHING was done. There is NO FREAKING way I can do this shit by myself! I have had it with people not living up to what they say they are going to do. I feel like the only dependable & willing to volunteer out there!! I swear if it didn't screw my own girls I would just quit myself, but then again I'm not a quitter. I really hope that the council will step up to help me with this but I'm sure that they will not. It will be left for me to deal with & make things happen. There is one good, willing council helper but she can't do much to help me anymore- If they were all like P) I think we'd be so much better off!! I've sent a call for help to all the people I could think of.. a whole whopping 4 people. We'll see if I get any responses.

Catching Up

Well I've been offline for a little over a week. I've been soaking up all the wonderful down time just the Fab 5! It is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR! Not because of the gifts & holiday but because we are all off together & it make me so HAPPY! I wish we could lock ourselves away together, no work, nothing just us.. it is wonderful. Well for my recap for the week. Friday I was lucky enough to get off early & the celebrating began! Brad & the kids were already at home waiting and everyone was in a great mood, so excited about the coming week. I immediately started baking & getting ready for our annual Christmas Eve party. Jake was extremely excited because this year he has a girlfriend who will be with us during the holiday. I can't quite believe it, I sort of feel old. I remember the times when I had a new love on a holiday and it was such a good feeling. I am very happy for him. Things went well & everyone exchanged their homemade gifts. I think mine were a hit! I made the boys quilts, with the center block being from my Dad's hoodie & had it embroidered. We had a little tears flow but I quickly recovered. I think Gabby liked her hat, shawl & business cards, however I think she would have preferred a quilt as well.. so I will begin her's for her birthday!! SHHHHHHH

I was able to surprise Brad with a Nascar Experience and 12 envelopes with 12 pre-planned & pre-payed for dates (one per month)!! They range from Romantic getaways- to Adventure Dates. He seemed quite pleased & couldn't wait to open them all. I told him they were as much for him as me & hopefully we can take this year to reconnect again, and take some much deserved time to ourselves for all the sacrificing we've done since we moved her we sure do deserve it. Santa came & surprised us all- Sara mostly by knowing so many personal details about us all.. (hmmm Santa is always watching ;) I got some great pictures that I need to upload.


Christmas morning came & everyone got what they wanted and more. Thank God for all our blessings cause I was so worried that we wouldn't be able to pull it off this year. Thankfully we did! As usual everything went off without a hitch & we celebrated, sang, played lots of games, stuffed ourselves silly, loved & laughed.


We spent the rest of the week, cleaning, crafting, had a game night, spent some time with my dearest friends and ditched all the New Year's plans to go CAMPING! Yes, I said it CAMPING ON NEW YEARS! It was really a spur of the moment decision & seemed like a great one, since the weather would be beautiful, a little chilly but still good camping weather & probably one of our last till the Spring. I was excited but also very upset as Jake decided he didn't want to go & opted to spend the holiday weekend with a friend!! As I dropped him off it hit me that this would be our first EVER holiday apart. I was almost in tears but I sucked it up & dropped him off. Well I sucked it up just until he left the car.. as I drove away I cried. I tried my best to put on a happy face & enjoy what adventures were ahead but sorry to say but I got sick, I was miserable. Friday night I just sat completely & utterly freezing by the fire. Everyone else was totally comfortable- hell Brad just had on a short sleeved shirt & no jacket- but me.. I had 3 sweaters, hoodie, scarf, wrapped in a blanket practically sitting on the fire & still had chills! I tried to go to bed but I have one of those queen air mattresses that are the size of a real bed. Basically I found out the hard way that it is like sleeping on a gigantic ice cube! I had two sheets & a sleeping bag laid over the mattress but it wasn't enough, it just sapped out all of my body heat & I laid there teeth chattering till about 3:00am. I finally woke up & told Brad I couldn't do it anymore & tried to sleep in the van but it was no use. I ended up driving myself home & crawling in my bed at 4:30am. I felt horrible, I was going to spend New Year's sick & alone at home. Everyone else stayed behind & tried to give it a go but Rick got sick, Kati sprained her ankle & everyone decided it was better to pack up & go on Sat. (New Year's Eve)

To my surprise Jacob texted me & said he wanted to come home!! REALLY COULD THIS BE??!! At first I was ecstatic at the thought of having the Fab 5 together for the New Year but then was worried that something had happened with Jake & his friend. BUT nope- my baby said he was worried about me being home alone & sick & didn't want me to be alone on New Year's! Is this the BEST kid or what?! AGAIN..MORE TEARS!!!!!!!! So as much as I hated ruining everyone's camping trip by getting sick, but as the clock struck 12, and I looked around me I was surrounded by all the people I love most in this life I knew that everything happens for a reason and I was grateful to be sick!

And in case you're wondering I did make a few 2012 Resolutions. 5 to be exact!

#1: Work on my relationship with God, grow closer to him & find a home church.
#2: Be a better Wife, Mother & Friend. I feel like I need to be more present & less busy. Giving more of myself to those that matter & spending less time on things & people that don't.
#3: Blog- I really enjoy this & want to keep it up at least 1 post per week. I think it will be a great way to reflect back on my journey through this life & for the kids to one day when I'm gone get to know me in a whole new light.
#4: Learn something new- I did great with this in 2011 & I need to keep it up!!
#5: Cross at least 3 items of my bucket list.