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Thursday, December 22, 2011
Reflections
So I found out yest that one of my children wants nothing to do with my Mother after her actions after my Father died! IDK what to say or how to feel about this. I didn't say anything except listened to my child's reasoning & try to offer comfort but what do I do? Do I try to help foster forgiveness that I can't give myself.. UGH! (oh & BTW I know some of you are going to tell me all about the Bible & forgiveness. I get that.. part of my dilemma. It's way easier said than done, after a lifetime of hurt & wrongs). For me personally I am happier with this woman out of my life. I felt a weight lift off my chest when we cut that tie & I haven't looked back since. I don't think she even cares either as she hasn't tried to contact me. (there was one minor call where she wanted to know if she should bother sending Christmas gifts to the kids- they all refused them) I never thought I'd be able to actually cut a family member out of my life like that but I did and I feel like I'm all the better for it. I do have a peace about it, so is that forgiveness? I don't wish her ill will, I just don't care to have this toxic person & relationship in my life anymore. Surely God would understand that right??
Another part of the problem I have with this is that Brad & I are essentially cut off from ALL extended family! He refuses to speak to his Mother, Father & Sister for understandable reasons but still. It's been 8 1/2 years since he's bridged that gap. I've tried numerous times over the years to try to convince him to reconnect but each time it's backfired. At this point I'm sure they all think it's me!! Which is so far from the truth but oh well. But see again in this situation are the kids loosing out on grandparents or are we doing what Brad says & protecting them from these hurtful, toxic people in our lives??...hmmm
As for my Mother, her & I have had issues my whole life. She got stuck with a kid she didn't want & I ended up hearing & feeling it endlessly over the years. But up till now she's never done a thing against my kids. Both her & my Father were good grandparents & were always there for me in any area that the kids were concerned. So this is part of the reason I was so taken aback when she chose to steal from Jacob! I truly didn't see that one coming at all, and for me it was the final straw. You can hurt me over & over but cross that line & hurt my kids.. that is it! I told her that & while hysterical crying & begging for her not to do it.. she said she was going to proceed & if I chose to never talk to her again because of it that was my decision. At any rate I don't care to rehash that whole thing but just to give you an idea as to what position my family is in.
Do we pass on bad relationships to our kids? I wonder this because I grew up as my children will now. Without cousins, family reunions, family vacations, picnics.. nothing! (From my Dad's side) This hurt me then and still does now. I've always craved a Norman Rockwell type family life, I've always wanted a brother & sister I could be close to, extended family to connect with and sadly I've just never had it. My father was the only one with siblings & he cut both of them & their families out of his life. I've got about 15 cousins out there somewhere that I've always wanted to know & connect with but never have. It breaks my heart to think that I am dooming my children to the same heartbreak & loneliness. I know that a certain level of dysfunction comes with each family but I think when it crosses over to constant hurt & bad influences for your children you need to pull away.
My sister & I started to have that close relationship after I moved here but fate stepped in and completely wiped that out, forcing us both to live through our worst nightmares. Now as much as I long to be closer to her it will never be the same. We can never get our families together, no picnic, no vacations nothing.
As I type this out my heart aches & I feel the loneliness I've had growing up just consume me now. I've gotten no family anymore.. it's all gone. Thank God for my children & Brad. He always tells me that family is what you make of it & there is hope that we are doing things right with our children that I can see all my greatest desires for that Norman Rockwell type family come true with them. This is my greatest wish! It's been a very hard year & this reflection hurts. There have been a lot of great losses in my life this year..my Dad being the most. I would give all I have to talk to him once more, put my arms around him & hear his advice for all this. I also have been greatly blessed with wonderful friends that I truly love just like they were my real family. So I guess for what people are no longer in my life as this year concludes, God has turned around & given me others to fill that void. So as I look at this situation it's kind of bittersweet.
Another part of the problem I have with this is that Brad & I are essentially cut off from ALL extended family! He refuses to speak to his Mother, Father & Sister for understandable reasons but still. It's been 8 1/2 years since he's bridged that gap. I've tried numerous times over the years to try to convince him to reconnect but each time it's backfired. At this point I'm sure they all think it's me!! Which is so far from the truth but oh well. But see again in this situation are the kids loosing out on grandparents or are we doing what Brad says & protecting them from these hurtful, toxic people in our lives??...hmmm
As for my Mother, her & I have had issues my whole life. She got stuck with a kid she didn't want & I ended up hearing & feeling it endlessly over the years. But up till now she's never done a thing against my kids. Both her & my Father were good grandparents & were always there for me in any area that the kids were concerned. So this is part of the reason I was so taken aback when she chose to steal from Jacob! I truly didn't see that one coming at all, and for me it was the final straw. You can hurt me over & over but cross that line & hurt my kids.. that is it! I told her that & while hysterical crying & begging for her not to do it.. she said she was going to proceed & if I chose to never talk to her again because of it that was my decision. At any rate I don't care to rehash that whole thing but just to give you an idea as to what position my family is in.
Do we pass on bad relationships to our kids? I wonder this because I grew up as my children will now. Without cousins, family reunions, family vacations, picnics.. nothing! (From my Dad's side) This hurt me then and still does now. I've always craved a Norman Rockwell type family life, I've always wanted a brother & sister I could be close to, extended family to connect with and sadly I've just never had it. My father was the only one with siblings & he cut both of them & their families out of his life. I've got about 15 cousins out there somewhere that I've always wanted to know & connect with but never have. It breaks my heart to think that I am dooming my children to the same heartbreak & loneliness. I know that a certain level of dysfunction comes with each family but I think when it crosses over to constant hurt & bad influences for your children you need to pull away.
My sister & I started to have that close relationship after I moved here but fate stepped in and completely wiped that out, forcing us both to live through our worst nightmares. Now as much as I long to be closer to her it will never be the same. We can never get our families together, no picnic, no vacations nothing.
As I type this out my heart aches & I feel the loneliness I've had growing up just consume me now. I've gotten no family anymore.. it's all gone. Thank God for my children & Brad. He always tells me that family is what you make of it & there is hope that we are doing things right with our children that I can see all my greatest desires for that Norman Rockwell type family come true with them. This is my greatest wish! It's been a very hard year & this reflection hurts. There have been a lot of great losses in my life this year..my Dad being the most. I would give all I have to talk to him once more, put my arms around him & hear his advice for all this. I also have been greatly blessed with wonderful friends that I truly love just like they were my real family. So I guess for what people are no longer in my life as this year concludes, God has turned around & given me others to fill that void. So as I look at this situation it's kind of bittersweet.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Hashbrown Casserole Recipe
Hashbrown Casserole:
Bake another 10 minutes.
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Strata Recipe
Strata:
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Grape Salad Recipe
As requested from the Cookie Swap:
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| GRAPE SALAD | |
| 4 lbs green or red seedless grapes Dressing: 8 oz. cream cheese softened 8 oz. sour cream 1/2 c. sugar 1/2 tsp. vanilla Topping: 1 c. chopped nuts; pecans, almonds or walnuts are best.- I used a mixture of ALL 3! Mix all of the dressing ingredients until smooth and spread over grapes. You can have as many layers as you want. Sprinkle topping ingredients over all. Very easy and very, very good. | |
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Monday, December 19, 2011
The Fall of Santa
We had the fall of Santa in our house on Sunday. Evan busted Brad a couple nights before putting money under his pillow for a tooth so we had to fess up about being the tooth fairy and because he's such a smart little booger it took only about a minute after he left the room to turn around and ask if Santa was fake. I told him no of course he's not, then extended my hand & said, "Hi, I'm Mrs. Clause. Nice to meet you.. then Brad did the same claiming himself as Santa!! LOL. He laughed and took it in good stride. We explained that all of that is part of the magic of Christmas & now he's in on the secret and can take part in the wonderful Spirit of Giving. He is very excited. We have all agreed to still have "Santa" visit the house as usual on Christmas Eve as we all love this tradition. I was able to get my homemade gifts almost done so I am very happy with that. It was a lot of work but all will be done with about another 5-6 hrs more of work before Christmas which is totally doable!!
Cookie Swap
Losing house
Winning house
Here are the prizes I made- Ideas Inspired by Pinterest
The goodies- so yummy
Tastiest Cookie
Prettiest Cookie- (FROM PINTEREST!)
(My Nutella Cookies!)
Most Creative Cookie
Gingerbread house winners- They Cheated!! LOL
ALL The Girls
Best/Worst Ugly Christmas Sweater Winner!Well the cookie party turned out WONDERFUL! Friday night was touch & go, I felt miserably sick and didn't think I could get it all together & even considered canceling but thankfully I have a wonderfully helpful family that pitched in as always to help me get it all done. The original 12 became only 8 in attendance (including myself & a surprise tag along). But turns out 8 was the magic #. We had good food, lots of great yummy cookies & tons of laughs. Now that it seems like I've got a core group of interested ladies I'm going to just stick with a MAX of 10 people for next year. I will not waste my time or energy inviting those people just to be nice as they only end up being a pain in the ass, who string me along & then either cancel last minute or no-show all together. THANKFULLY they did cause I didn't even want them there anyway & so it all worked out in the end perfectly. My friends didn't kill me over making the extra cookies & we split up all the extras.. YAY US! I put a lot of work into researching fun ideas for decorations, prizes etc. I do this party every year & it just keeps getting better. This year I was inspired to scrapbook little awards for cookies & for us to vote on the prettiest, tastiest, most creative, unique. We all agreed that next year we are adding best packaging as some were just really awesome. We split up into teams of 4 for the gingerbread house decorating competition. That is always a great game & ice breaker for those that don't know each other. By the end everyone is laughing and talking with each other. Seems to me everyone had a good time & some are already planning their cookies & packaging for next year!
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Friday, December 16, 2011
Elf on the Shelf & peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat Chick
Well I have read all the hullabaloo that has been a buzz between peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.blogspot.com
http://peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.blogspot.com/2011/12/over-achieving-elf-on-shelf-mommies.html?spref=fb and then went to Blossom's Blog & it was shut down. I feel like I am somewhere between these two extremes. Jen from the attacking blog says that she is not medicated & moody like you should be but girl let me just say that after reading several of your posts.. do yourself & everyone else around you a favor by getting medicated! You seem extremely angry & have a complex about what type of mother you are based on what others do for their children. Ever heard of bi-polar disorder or mania?? You may want to check in to it- just a thought, but I doubt that you will now since you're earning revenue. As for Blossom, seems like she's trying her best to put something out there to make some revenue for her family. And you know what, some of us Moms LIKE making home made goods & coming up with ideas like that for our children and going that extra mile to make a good memory for them. I am neither medicated or angry but yes I do myself love to get ideas off Pinterest & other blogs like Blossom's to go out of my way for my kids. Some of us are happy to be able to do those things for our children. I have chosen to not take part in the Elf on the Shelf phenomenon that is sweeping the country because I agree it's another lie & more crap to endure during an already busy time of year, but that is MY choice. However I do have a lot of friends that take part & I think it's their right. So Jen.. punch yourself in the throat for not looking into medicating yourself and generating an income off of putting someone else down! Blossom grow some balls and stand behind your blog, I was so disappointed to see you shut it down. Who cares what others think of it, surely you have made some money off Jen and her rants!
http://peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.blogspot.com/2011/12/over-achieving-elf-on-shelf-mommies.html?spref=fb and then went to Blossom's Blog & it was shut down. I feel like I am somewhere between these two extremes. Jen from the attacking blog says that she is not medicated & moody like you should be but girl let me just say that after reading several of your posts.. do yourself & everyone else around you a favor by getting medicated! You seem extremely angry & have a complex about what type of mother you are based on what others do for their children. Ever heard of bi-polar disorder or mania?? You may want to check in to it- just a thought, but I doubt that you will now since you're earning revenue. As for Blossom, seems like she's trying her best to put something out there to make some revenue for her family. And you know what, some of us Moms LIKE making home made goods & coming up with ideas like that for our children and going that extra mile to make a good memory for them. I am neither medicated or angry but yes I do myself love to get ideas off Pinterest & other blogs like Blossom's to go out of my way for my kids. Some of us are happy to be able to do those things for our children. I have chosen to not take part in the Elf on the Shelf phenomenon that is sweeping the country because I agree it's another lie & more crap to endure during an already busy time of year, but that is MY choice. However I do have a lot of friends that take part & I think it's their right. So Jen.. punch yourself in the throat for not looking into medicating yourself and generating an income off of putting someone else down! Blossom grow some balls and stand behind your blog, I was so disappointed to see you shut it down. Who cares what others think of it, surely you have made some money off Jen and her rants!
Christmas Cookie Exchange
Well I am gearing up for my annual Christmas Cookie Exchange! Excited & a little over whelmed. This year I am blessed to have a LOT and I mean a lot of interest. I've got 12 ladies signed up to bring 12 dozen cookies each! I am starting to think this is a bit much. I never expected this many people to actually show. Problem is that I got stuck inviting two Non-friends (coworkers- who I don't like & they don't like me at all! WHY ARE THEY COMING??) that I NEVER thought would come & they are! UGH! One of them extended the invite to a friend is bringing her! Wowza! Maybe God is trying to tell me something. I'm sure it will all turn out ok & I'm just stressing as usual about everyone getting along. Mainly will I get a long w/these 3?! ----Guess we'll see. I've got 12 dozen cookies to bake tonight, along with preparing most of the brunch menu for tomorrow morning. I hope everyone has a blast! I'm thinking next year I am keeping it quite & only inviting those closest to me and going with 8 people....
Also side note & rant -(YOU'VE BEEN WARNED) What has happened to people's basic manners?! I wish Emily Post was still around to teach people some things. I've given myself a new guideline or rule to follow. If I invite someone to a party & they do not RSVP or respond in any way, I will let it slide & invite to another party. BUT if it happens a 2nd time they are never getting another invite from me again. I know they know about the party so it's not like the invite is lost in the mail. They just are rude! So if they don't care enough to use common curiosity then I won't bother to be nice enough to ever invite them again. I just think people now a days do not throw parties like I do. IF anyone throws a party it's a pot luck.. so it's not such an inconvenience on the hostess to add another. When I throw a party I am old school, I supply everything, food, booze, favors & write thank yous! I guess I'm a dying breed. I've got nothing against a little potluck but I refuse to let that be the constant theme of my parties. I enjoy hosting guests in my home, feeding them & making them feel welcome. I hope I can do that well tomorrow!
I'll get back on tomorrow sometime & post pics if I can figure out how!! LOL
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Also side note & rant -(YOU'VE BEEN WARNED) What has happened to people's basic manners?! I wish Emily Post was still around to teach people some things. I've given myself a new guideline or rule to follow. If I invite someone to a party & they do not RSVP or respond in any way, I will let it slide & invite to another party. BUT if it happens a 2nd time they are never getting another invite from me again. I know they know about the party so it's not like the invite is lost in the mail. They just are rude! So if they don't care enough to use common curiosity then I won't bother to be nice enough to ever invite them again. I just think people now a days do not throw parties like I do. IF anyone throws a party it's a pot luck.. so it's not such an inconvenience on the hostess to add another. When I throw a party I am old school, I supply everything, food, booze, favors & write thank yous! I guess I'm a dying breed. I've got nothing against a little potluck but I refuse to let that be the constant theme of my parties. I enjoy hosting guests in my home, feeding them & making them feel welcome. I hope I can do that well tomorrow!
I'll get back on tomorrow sometime & post pics if I can figure out how!! LOL
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My First Blogger post
Well this will be my first real blog. For whoever reads this that doesn't know who I am, I'm a wife, mother of 3 great kids. Jacob 14, Gabby 10, and Evan 8. I work full time as a paralegal and volunteer A LOT for my kids schools, church, sports and whatever they are interested in. Yes.. I am THATMOMMY. I make as much homemade items that I can. By no means am I an expert crafter, baker or cook, but I truly value the art of doing things on my own from scratch. I seem to always be planning, cooking, baking or making something new. It feeds my need to be creative but again I am NOT an expert. My sister laughs & calls me Martha Stewart.. she should bite her tongue! Currently my newest obsession is quilting! I totally love it, but I'm sure like the knitting, gardening & canning obsessions that came before it, quilting will run it's course. I guess I'm still trying to find MY thing. MY talent. Until I do I'm determined to try new things & cross lots of things off my bucket list! I've noticed lately as the days, months & years pass I feel like I'm finally starting to grow up & and come into my own! This is truly funny because I'm already 34!!! I hope that starting this blog will help to journal out my life, dreams, feelings, excitements, disappointments and the trials of my life. If my blog is true to life I'm sure some will get offended but hopefully most will be able to connect in some way so I know I'm not the only one out there like this!! I truly wonder sometimes. If I am, my Dad was right they really DID break the mold when they made me!! :)
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