Preparing for a Girls Just Want to Have Fun Scrapbook Crop

Finishing up on last minute touches to my Girl Scout Troops Scrapbook Crop this Sat! I'm excited. So far this has proved to be a great fundraiser. We have had many generous people give donations, time & my church has offered us the use of the fellowship hall to host this event! We will have 6 different local direct sales vendors doing classes and setting up tables throughout the day as well as a great tricky tray auction. Brad will be our on site cook and catering lunch & dinner to all the wonderful scrapping ladies. I've only been to one crop before & I truly hope that I can pull this off successfully! I've had a lot of great advice from a friend that does a huge crop every year so I think I'm on track for the most part! If all goes well I hope to make this an annual event!

Separation of Church & Family

Well where to begin with this post. I feel that there has been something missing in my life and in those of my family as well. I believe it is going to church, learning more about God & our connection to him. I do have a very deep spiritual belief in him that I don't think necessarily fits into any one specific religion. It's more of a broad belief in God. I believe that God is the Alpha, Omega- he is everything/everyone. I believe that he created us & this earth. I believe that he is known to me as Jesus/God but to others he is known as something different such as Allah,Budda orwhatever else is out there. I believe that he created this earth & us, knowing that we would have religious wars, but that he made himself available to everyone in the form they would best accept. There is nowhere in this world that you can go without learning or hearing of God or some religion. So to me you might take a different path with your beliefs in this life, but I think all roads lead to God. Now I'm not saying that I don't believe that Jesus isn't the son of God- I do, but I believe that this was the way he found to get into my heart. I believe God has touched my life in numerous ways & truly believe with my whole heart that he has a plan for me. I just wish I knew what it was. I believe that I have felt the presence of God in my life several times, I am an avid prayer & believe in the power of prayer. I believe in God & have a love for him that I do want to honor that by teaching my children about him, I want to build my marriage upon faith & a mutual belief in him. I want us to be a God fearing honorable family-here’s the hiccup. I don’t know how to do that!! There seems to be a major separation of church & family. Brad and I have tried several churches on for size when we first moved to TN. And eventually found one that we though fit. We became regulars in the pews and even in bible study. But it ended with a bad experience with some of the people there & it really put a bad taste in Brad’s mouth. I'm willing to overlook it so our children grow in that church to learn & have the church family, but Brad is unwilling. Ever since I’ve tried to get him to go to others & even back there but it’s all I can do to get him to go every now & again. I have a yearning to join a church, to be a part of a community & a church family. I want to go to bible studies & learn but it’s really hard when #1 you’re husband tells you point blank, “I know in my heart I LOVE GOD, and I LOVE YOU, and understand that both are connected, a church is tough for me, I see way to much judgment from people and that really gets under my skin, I really wouldn’t mind to sit and read the bible aloud with the whole family.” And #2 you’ve never grown up doing this and it’s hard to give up your Sundays, Weds and get into that routine when you are as busy as we are. To understand how I came to my beliefs you'd have to know that as a child I was raised Catholic. My father was a non practicing something- with a great anger towards God because of what he saw in his life through fighting in the Vietnam war, my Mother claimed to be die hard type Catholic, but never actually read the bible and only went to church some Christmas's & some Easters. I went to CCD but never any further. I'd never went to a bible study or anything else. However I was taught the Lord's Prayer, my Rosary, to respect God and believe in Jesus as my savior. I was taught to believe in Angels and also believe in Saints- all the while my Mom would take me for Tea leaf and psychic readings so it's no wonder why I have a broad vision of my belief in God. Brad grew up only going to church with friends from school so he was never really taught anything much either. Believe it or not but my limited knowledge of things I'm the one who knows more!! AHH! I am proud to say that through the years since Brad & I have been together I've seen his relationship with God flourish & was witness to his acceptance of him in his life! I was wonderful, but now there is a disconnect. What to do, what to do! I feel like I’ve been put in charge of the families spiritual path but I am failing them horribly. I guess I need to pray on it. Oh & for the 3 people reading this blog, try not to judge me to harshly. I do my best to be a good person and honor what I believe to be true to me & my relationship with God. I know that a lot of Christians will condemn me to hell because of some of my comments but I guess that will be for me and God to work out.

Friday the 13th

Well I woke up this morning and felt alright but then as the day progressed (btw I've only been awake 2 hrs) I can tell it's going to be one of those days. Dropped by glasses, my phone, forgot my heart meds, got stopped in the car rider line about 6 times, had to go back home.. etc etc.. Right now I'm totally grumpy & I can just feel the disdain oozing from me. The biggest things on the forefront of my frustration/disappointment today is Girl Scouts. I really think I need to take a break from being a leader/volunteer for a while. I love it so very much and it's really become a part of who I am. I enjoy doing it but when I seem to be the only person putting in effort to make event, activities happen it's very discouraging. I don't expect a thank you nor am I looking for accolades, but just an active participation would be helpful. Reading the email I took time away from my day to type up, RSVPing when I'm planning an event that you stated you wanted, assisting in the planning and organizing an event that will benefit you & your child. I can't do these things alone, although I mostly have been for the past 6 years. I am expected to not only plan, run the events but also keep a website running w/event information, a calendar, reminders and periodically send out reminders. When my emails, and reminders go unanswered I'm forced to text each individual person in order to be able to get an answer. Heck for that matter I've had to even do that numerous times as well as remind them & text up till 15 minutes before an event! It's ridiculous. Part of me doesn't mind this because I'm doing this first & foremost for my daughter, so she has a great GS experience, and then for the girls in my troop and SU area but it's just really hard to be the only adult really giving all she's got to pull things off alone. There has to be parent support in order for things to really make things easier & more fun for all. I guess to most of them Girl Scouts is just an activity that keeps their child occupied for a few hours, but for them & for me it's much more. This is why I think I need to step down for a while. I don't want to leave GS at all, I just would like to have those I'm working with respect the time & dedication I'm putting forth for their children & at least read the emails, respond, be on time and offer to help when it's obvious the event we have going on is a huge undertaking that is next to impossible for 1 person to plan, organize & pull off by herself. Although this seems to be a theme to my whole life from family to friends.. I seem to give & really take the time to remember birthdays, send a card or call, I RSVP, I think of people when they have babies, surgery acknowledge anniversaries but none of that seems to be reciprocated. I really do try to give everyone my all by being a good thoughtful friend but I guess I'm over extending & falling short somewhere. I do all these things not expecting anything in return but it would be nice to have things reciprocated & have someone be mindful of me. I truly don't think that's too much to ask do you? I always thought I learned the lesson to give without expectation of anything returned- just to give for givings sake but when do you say I've given enough...? I think I've reached that point.