Monday, January 23, 2012
Life's Little Temptations
UGH, sometimes life has a way of knocking you on your ass! I swear just when I think I've settled into being comfortable with where I am in life & that this is what it is.. I am tempted. Tempted into thinking what could be, what if. This is not a new temptation to me. I've struggled with this for the last 15 years. What if I did this differently or that. What if I just threw it all away & went for it! Would it work out or would I just lose everything for one leap of faith, one shot at turning back the clock. I can only imagine how great things could be if I did & it all finally fell into place, making up for years of my discontent and providing a lifetime of satisfaction & happiness. Somehow I think if I never take that chance that I'll never ever be fully contented. Then the other part of me thinks that it's best to let it be & not to be tempted. Past is the past for a reason. If I give into temptation I'll be left with nothing except for even more regrets. I wonder if I'm in this alone or if there is another plagued with the same temptation. It's kind of like being tortured. Thoughts of my temptation put a smile on my face and living that experience added to the person I am & gave me great memories to relive in those wonderful fleeting moments. Maybe that's all it's ever supposed to be. I know that if I was ever really faced with my temptation I'd give in immediately. Thankfully all it is right now is just my mind playing tricks on me. I put my belief in God and look to him to provide comfort in him leading me to what path I'm supposed to be on. If I'm ever meant to come face to face with my temptation it will be when it's meant to be.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Things are spiraling out of control on the GS front
I can't believe this!! Things are totally spiraling out of control on the Girl Scout front. I have a volunteer that I really depended on to do what she said she was going to do & when I checked in to see how things were going found out that NOTHING was done. There is NO FREAKING way I can do this shit by myself! I have had it with people not living up to what they say they are going to do. I feel like the only dependable & willing to volunteer out there!! I swear if it didn't screw my own girls I would just quit myself, but then again I'm not a quitter. I really hope that the council will step up to help me with this but I'm sure that they will not. It will be left for me to deal with & make things happen. There is one good, willing council helper but she can't do much to help me anymore- If they were all like P) I think we'd be so much better off!! I've sent a call for help to all the people I could think of.. a whole whopping 4 people. We'll see if I get any responses.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Catching Up
Well I've been offline for a little over a week. I've been soaking up all the wonderful down time just the Fab 5! It is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR! Not because of the gifts & holiday but because we are all off together & it make me so HAPPY! I wish we could lock ourselves away together, no work, nothing just us.. it is wonderful. Well for my recap for the week. Friday I was lucky enough to get off early & the celebrating began! Brad & the kids were already at home waiting and everyone was in a great mood, so excited about the coming week. I immediately started baking & getting ready for our annual Christmas Eve party. Jake was extremely excited because this year he has a girlfriend who will be with us during the holiday. I can't quite believe it, I sort of feel old. I remember the times when I had a new love on a holiday and it was such a good feeling. I am very happy for him. Things went well & everyone exchanged their homemade gifts. I think mine were a hit! I made the boys quilts, with the center block being from my Dad's hoodie & had it embroidered. We had a little tears flow but I quickly recovered. I think Gabby liked her hat, shawl & business cards, however I think she would have preferred a quilt as well.. so I will begin her's for her birthday!! SHHHHHHH
I was able to surprise Brad with a Nascar Experience and 12 envelopes with 12 pre-planned & pre-payed for dates (one per month)!! They range from Romantic getaways- to Adventure Dates. He seemed quite pleased & couldn't wait to open them all. I told him they were as much for him as me & hopefully we can take this year to reconnect again, and take some much deserved time to ourselves for all the sacrificing we've done since we moved her we sure do deserve it. Santa came & surprised us all- Sara mostly by knowing so many personal details about us all.. (hmmm Santa is always watching ;) I got some great pictures that I need to upload.
Christmas morning came & everyone got what they wanted and more. Thank God for all our blessings cause I was so worried that we wouldn't be able to pull it off this year. Thankfully we did! As usual everything went off without a hitch & we celebrated, sang, played lots of games, stuffed ourselves silly, loved & laughed.
We spent the rest of the week, cleaning, crafting, had a game night, spent some time with my dearest friends and ditched all the New Year's plans to go CAMPING! Yes, I said it CAMPING ON NEW YEARS! It was really a spur of the moment decision & seemed like a great one, since the weather would be beautiful, a little chilly but still good camping weather & probably one of our last till the Spring. I was excited but also very upset as Jake decided he didn't want to go & opted to spend the holiday weekend with a friend!! As I dropped him off it hit me that this would be our first EVER holiday apart. I was almost in tears but I sucked it up & dropped him off. Well I sucked it up just until he left the car.. as I drove away I cried. I tried my best to put on a happy face & enjoy what adventures were ahead but sorry to say but I got sick, I was miserable. Friday night I just sat completely & utterly freezing by the fire. Everyone else was totally comfortable- hell Brad just had on a short sleeved shirt & no jacket- but me.. I had 3 sweaters, hoodie, scarf, wrapped in a blanket practically sitting on the fire & still had chills! I tried to go to bed but I have one of those queen air mattresses that are the size of a real bed. Basically I found out the hard way that it is like sleeping on a gigantic ice cube! I had two sheets & a sleeping bag laid over the mattress but it wasn't enough, it just sapped out all of my body heat & I laid there teeth chattering till about 3:00am. I finally woke up & told Brad I couldn't do it anymore & tried to sleep in the van but it was no use. I ended up driving myself home & crawling in my bed at 4:30am. I felt horrible, I was going to spend New Year's sick & alone at home. Everyone else stayed behind & tried to give it a go but Rick got sick, Kati sprained her ankle & everyone decided it was better to pack up & go on Sat. (New Year's Eve)
To my surprise Jacob texted me & said he wanted to come home!! REALLY COULD THIS BE??!! At first I was ecstatic at the thought of having the Fab 5 together for the New Year but then was worried that something had happened with Jake & his friend. BUT nope- my baby said he was worried about me being home alone & sick & didn't want me to be alone on New Year's! Is this the BEST kid or what?! AGAIN..MORE TEARS!!!!!!!! So as much as I hated ruining everyone's camping trip by getting sick, but as the clock struck 12, and I looked around me I was surrounded by all the people I love most in this life I knew that everything happens for a reason and I was grateful to be sick!
And in case you're wondering I did make a few 2012 Resolutions. 5 to be exact!
#1: Work on my relationship with God, grow closer to him & find a home church.
#2: Be a better Wife, Mother & Friend. I feel like I need to be more present & less busy. Giving more of myself to those that matter & spending less time on things & people that don't.
#3: Blog- I really enjoy this & want to keep it up at least 1 post per week. I think it will be a great way to reflect back on my journey through this life & for the kids to one day when I'm gone get to know me in a whole new light.
#4: Learn something new- I did great with this in 2011 & I need to keep it up!!
#5: Cross at least 3 items of my bucket list.
I was able to surprise Brad with a Nascar Experience and 12 envelopes with 12 pre-planned & pre-payed for dates (one per month)!! They range from Romantic getaways- to Adventure Dates. He seemed quite pleased & couldn't wait to open them all. I told him they were as much for him as me & hopefully we can take this year to reconnect again, and take some much deserved time to ourselves for all the sacrificing we've done since we moved her we sure do deserve it. Santa came & surprised us all- Sara mostly by knowing so many personal details about us all.. (hmmm Santa is always watching ;) I got some great pictures that I need to upload.
Christmas morning came & everyone got what they wanted and more. Thank God for all our blessings cause I was so worried that we wouldn't be able to pull it off this year. Thankfully we did! As usual everything went off without a hitch & we celebrated, sang, played lots of games, stuffed ourselves silly, loved & laughed.
We spent the rest of the week, cleaning, crafting, had a game night, spent some time with my dearest friends and ditched all the New Year's plans to go CAMPING! Yes, I said it CAMPING ON NEW YEARS! It was really a spur of the moment decision & seemed like a great one, since the weather would be beautiful, a little chilly but still good camping weather & probably one of our last till the Spring. I was excited but also very upset as Jake decided he didn't want to go & opted to spend the holiday weekend with a friend!! As I dropped him off it hit me that this would be our first EVER holiday apart. I was almost in tears but I sucked it up & dropped him off. Well I sucked it up just until he left the car.. as I drove away I cried. I tried my best to put on a happy face & enjoy what adventures were ahead but sorry to say but I got sick, I was miserable. Friday night I just sat completely & utterly freezing by the fire. Everyone else was totally comfortable- hell Brad just had on a short sleeved shirt & no jacket- but me.. I had 3 sweaters, hoodie, scarf, wrapped in a blanket practically sitting on the fire & still had chills! I tried to go to bed but I have one of those queen air mattresses that are the size of a real bed. Basically I found out the hard way that it is like sleeping on a gigantic ice cube! I had two sheets & a sleeping bag laid over the mattress but it wasn't enough, it just sapped out all of my body heat & I laid there teeth chattering till about 3:00am. I finally woke up & told Brad I couldn't do it anymore & tried to sleep in the van but it was no use. I ended up driving myself home & crawling in my bed at 4:30am. I felt horrible, I was going to spend New Year's sick & alone at home. Everyone else stayed behind & tried to give it a go but Rick got sick, Kati sprained her ankle & everyone decided it was better to pack up & go on Sat. (New Year's Eve)
To my surprise Jacob texted me & said he wanted to come home!! REALLY COULD THIS BE??!! At first I was ecstatic at the thought of having the Fab 5 together for the New Year but then was worried that something had happened with Jake & his friend. BUT nope- my baby said he was worried about me being home alone & sick & didn't want me to be alone on New Year's! Is this the BEST kid or what?! AGAIN..MORE TEARS!!!!!!!! So as much as I hated ruining everyone's camping trip by getting sick, but as the clock struck 12, and I looked around me I was surrounded by all the people I love most in this life I knew that everything happens for a reason and I was grateful to be sick!
And in case you're wondering I did make a few 2012 Resolutions. 5 to be exact!
#1: Work on my relationship with God, grow closer to him & find a home church.
#2: Be a better Wife, Mother & Friend. I feel like I need to be more present & less busy. Giving more of myself to those that matter & spending less time on things & people that don't.
#3: Blog- I really enjoy this & want to keep it up at least 1 post per week. I think it will be a great way to reflect back on my journey through this life & for the kids to one day when I'm gone get to know me in a whole new light.
#4: Learn something new- I did great with this in 2011 & I need to keep it up!!
#5: Cross at least 3 items of my bucket list.
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